eating disorder questions (telling my ED story) TW ED, description, numbers

so i checked out this book from the local library, and i found a page in it that has questions to answer about your ED, how it began, and how it affects your life. here they are, along with my answers to them.

1. start by trying to remember the first time you felt bad about your body or about food. how old were you? was it a specific event or just a general time period?
   i remember i was very young, about seven, when the doctor first told me i had to lose weight. i was in the 90th percentile for weight among girls my age. that means only 10% of girls my age were heavier than me. the doctor told me i was obese.
2. how did this change over the years? was there anything specific you remember that made it better or worse?
   over the years i learned to hate myself. i have a love/hate relationship with food, hating how eating makes me feel, but using it for comfort.
3. how did your family, friends, teachers, and other people in your life influence how you felt about your body or food?
   my family encouraged emotional eating. they encouraged binge eating, and only stopped when i was about 14, when it got to be really bad, but by then it was too late. my friends were always thinner than me, and i remember in 5th grade, i saw a boy coming down the hall at school while i was drinking from the water fountain, and he called me fat, so i sucked in my stomach. teachers would always chastise me for eating too much at snack time, and lunch, and i would always get bullied for my weight.
4. what is your first memory of either over eating or under eating when you were feeling emotional (eating or controlling your food when lonely, afraid, or angry)? How old were you? who was with you? what were you eating?
   i would always go to get mcdonalds after school with my grandfather. i was 4-5 years old, and every day he would pick me up from school and get me a happy meal. then i'd have dinner with my family when we got home. the first time i remember looking up how to starve myself was when i was 13 years old, i was looking for "how to"s on youtube, and how to be anorexic popped up in the suggested videos. so i clicked it and found out about thinspo and weight loss by any means necessary. so i tried to go on pro ana diets and restrict my calories to 500 a day and read everything about eating disorders i could find, and looked everywhere for tips.
5. how do you think having the struggle with food and weight has affected you in the past, and how does it affect you now?
   it has affected me in the past by really messing with my head and making me hate myself.
6. how have you tried to deal with this struggle?"
   by losing weight, by starving myself, by purging.
7. what do you really want to happen with your food and body?
   i want to lose weight, to be at a healthy weight and to be happy
8. what do you really want to happen with your life?
   i want to be functional. and able to do things other people do.
9. what do you think you need right now?
   i need a smoke.